Auto Parts for Brains

This is not a reprint nor a repost of the classic article by Michael Zezima (Mickey Z) on why he thinks cars suck.  For the original article please go to http://www.onlinejournal.com/. I believe the article was written six years ago.

I have read this article before and aside from being amusing I can say that it has made me consider a few things about how I use those wheeled devices we just cannot do without.  

Below are my humble responses to the article in focus.  

The preamble written by the author was perhaps one of the best I have read.  Not only because it was worded superfluously, but because it is brimming with disgust towards how we Americans, love our cars.  To quote:

“Like cigarettes, television, and the meat-based diet, cars are profoundly engrained within modern human existence….[I]t’s simply expected that singers will sing about cars, writers will write about cars, actors will act in cars, and practically everyone will become a motorist. Even radicals and dissidents regularly drive to their protests and rallies (even environmental activists do so).”

Listed below are fifty reasons why the author thinks cars suck.  After them are my pick at the topic.  I know that I am at a six year advantage given that today, more than half a decade after its publication, cars proved to be an essential component of our culture.

1. There are way too many of ‘em

When the author wrote the article he said that there were close to 200 million cars in the country already.  As expected there are more of it today.  I think this is not a sad fact but a truth that each American must face- we need cars.  The problem is not the use of the car but how it is used. 

2. Traffic

Okay, so maybe 8 billion hours in traffic is bad.  But is there any alternative?   Just how many hours will be wasted if we suddenly decide to walk, or take a bike or ride a horse drawn carriage?  Not to mention all the poop that would be lying on our public roads.  The big picture is that, cars bring us from one point to the other in the fastest way possible.

3. Cars kill people

“250 million Americans were maimed or injured in automobile accidents.”

4. Cars kill kids

Cars are “the leading cause of death for children aged 5 to 14 in New York City”

5. Cars kill celebrities

6. Cars kill every day

“Every single day in the U.S., an average of 121 people are killed in car accidents.”

Okay, so the car has been in every accident or in every crime scene.  But does that make it the killer?  Last thing I checked, people kill people.  It is when people use this technology without care that they become killing machines.  Contrary to the opinion expressed here, cars have been a very good tool in saving people.  What will we do without the ambulance, or the fire truck?  Recently too, they have been instruments in solving crimes.

7. Cars kill animals

I couldn’t agree more how pitiful road kill are.  Still, these are accidents that are sometimes unavoidable.  There are a lot of things that kill animals, from hunting rifles to plastic rings from our canned soda.  I don’t think it is right to point our fingers without thought.

8. Cars exploit dead animals

“Substances like anti-freeze, bio-diesel fuel, hydraulic brake fluid, and asphalt binder are all made with ingredients culled from the carcasses of departed animals.”

Give the same logic; the author should forego the use of wood, his all meat diet, anti venom and a lot of other useful things that are derived, one way or the other from dead animals.  Come to think of it, once we decide to not use cars we will go back to using live animals for transport.  Now that would be exploitation of live animals.

9. Those Christmas tree-shaped air fresheners

Now there are organic based ones.  Case closed.

10. Car bombs

“An uncomplicated equation: no cars = no car bombs.”

Hahahahaha.  Another one: car does not equal bomb.

11. Drive-by shootings

“A touch more of the old math for ya: cars + automatic weapons = drive-by shootings”

Anything that moves + automatic weapons = shootings

12. Sprawl

“During the last century, an area equal to all the arable land in Ohio, Indiana, and Pennsylvania was paved in the U.S.”

Roads equal progress.  Imagine transporting crops from the east to the west coast on unpaved roads.  That would be an economic nightmare.

13. Expensive sprawl

“The area equal to all the arable land in Ohio, Indiana, and Pennsylvania requires maintenance costing over $200 million a day.”

I don’t know where that figure came from but not maintaining those roads will bring about a loss of more than twice that, while doing so yields a profit of more that that.  Consider that.

14. Very expensive sprawl

“The surreptitious cost of the car culture totals nearly $464 billion a year in the U.S. alone, much of that going to the sustentation of a military presence in the Persian Gulf.”

I smell a conspiracy theory brewing.  Hehehehe.

15. Bumper stickers

I love bumper stickers.

16. Malls

I love malls.

17. Horns

18. Alarms

It’s how you use them buddy.

19. They take up too much space

That’s why the compact and subcompacts were invented.

20. There’s less room for bicycles

“With the possible exception of written language, the bicycle just may be the neatest idea we humans have ever come up with.”

Just a thought- ever tried going from California to Arizona on a bike?

21. Global warming

That’s why alternative sources of energy are being developed.  Soon we will all have environment friendly cars.

22. Car toys

I collect toy cars.  I love ‘em.

23. Drivers who ignore what traffic lights mean

Drivers, yeah.  Not cars.

24. Traffic lights

25. Oil addiction

Luckily, nowadays, car does not necessarily mean oil use.

26. Serious oil addiction

Now we have electricity, ethanol, LNG, LPG, hydrogen fuel, Fuel cells etc.

27. Very serious oil addiction

Click here for more details on this one…

28. Walking in right angles

If you come up with something better, please do send me an email.

29. Poor posture

No problem, just buy a new ergonomically and posturally correct seat or a back pillow.  The fact is that most low back pain comes from wrong posture not only while driving but from work or lifting weights inappropriately.

30. Car songs

Hearing Stephen Speak’s Passenger Seat on my car radio pretty much makes my day.  So I won’t even comment on that one.

31. The drive-thru life

32. Waste

Instead of seeing this as a problem, I think this is a challenge worth pursuing.  The solution is not to ditch the car but to try to make it friendlier to the environment.

33. Car commercials

The best way to decide if these are a nuisance or not are to check this out…

34. Parking lots

Ever heard of the robot controlled multi storey parking lot?  I think they weren’t there yet half a decade ago.

35. Parking tickets

36. Parking

I guess parking tickets and parking are a pain sometimes, but looking at the case with a pro versus con perspective, I feel that cars lean more on being useful.  That pretty much makes parking problems a tolerable problem.

37. Tires

“Every tire loses one pound of rubber per year, spewing minute grains of rubber into the stratosphere and then back down to find a new home in our water and/or our lungs.”

This is actually good thinking but the government has been doing its part in at least minimizing this threat. Check this site for more details on recycling used tires.

38. Road rage

Up until the time cars have a mind of their own and wrecks havoc independent of their human drivers, I still will hold to the truth that a bad driver does not make a vehicle bad.

39. Mechanics

A bad experience with a mechanic does not mean that all mechanics are money hungry frauds.  I have found some good automotive technicians who have been a great help in helping me maintain my car and save money.

40. The internal combustion engine

I see it as a promising technology that has served as a foundation of a lot of recent developments in our society.

41. Humans did not evolve to ride in cars

I disagree.  The human brain was made to conquer this earth.  And when I say conquer I mean to subdue its surface and make it adaptable to living.  Modern transportation is the best way we have coped up with our environment.  We can’t wait a million years to develop gills or appendages suitable for flying.

42. Carchitecture

43. The suburbs

“Phase one of a cunning master plan to facilitate automobile dependency.”

Hahahahahahahaha.

44. De-funded public transportation

“Phase two.”

This is going to get better.

45. Campaign contributions

“Phase three.”

46. Corporate welfare

“Phase four.”

47. Cars are hell

That’s is a quite harsh.   Now, I can’t help but think of the possibility that the author might have had a very traumatic experience that he attributes to the car.  I cannot imagine how car can immediately equate to death and murder.

48. Personalized license plates

These are the coolest.

49. Speed kills

If the national speed limit is no higher than 65 MPH, why are cars capable of going twice that fast?

Hmmmm tough one…  I guess they sometimes offer that temptation.

50. Humans drive ‘em

To this one, I’d have to agree.

Mickey Z. (Michael Zezima) is the author of Saving Private Power: The Hidden History of “The Good War” and a contributor to You Are Being Lied To. He can be reached at zx2@earthlink.net.

In conclusion, I view the article of Michael Zezima very insightful, considering the the time it was written.  I found it amusing, and the fact that many of the points he has taken have been addressed or is currently being addressed shows a lot to the foresight he has.